19 days.

July 23, 2015

Where has the time gone? I meant to post every day from day thirty to the day before we left, but I obviously didn’t. There’s so much to do. Seriously.

I am figuring out that I’m kind of grieving the idea of leaving America. I never ever (ever) thought I would say that. I’ve never really appreciated America. I mean, I’ve seen the great freedoms it offers compared to other countries, and I recognize the overabundance I’ve been blessed with. It’s just that I often feel like an alien here. It’s as if I were born somewhere else, and I’ve been waiting to return to that place. But now that we’re nineteen days away from uprooting ourselves for a while I kind of just want to stay here where I’m comfortable. Where I don’t have to bathe my organic fruits and vegetables in baking soda and water before I eat them. Where I can get some dirt in my mouth and not be afraid of coming down with a disease. Where I can brush my teeth out of the faucet. Where I can leave my macbook on the dining room table every day and not be afraid someone will have broken in and taken it by the day’s end. Where I can walk on the streets with my cell phone and not be paranoid that someone is going to take it from me and run. Where there won’t be volcanoes rupturing or earthquakes. Here is comfort. This is home.

Maybe after this adventure I’ll have a new idea of home, though. Maybe home will literally become where my heart is. Maybe comfort will become boring. I’d be okay with that.

The Lord is readying my heart, and it has been quite the process. The most recent thing I’m wrestling with is pure nerves. In nineteen days we are actually leaving the country, and we don’t even know what day we’re coming home. Who does that? Oh my gosh! We are crazy! This is crazy.

What’s funny is I’ve been waiting for this. Bear and I both have been wanting this. But even yesterday I was telling Bear all about this great city in Washington I want to visit once we come home to potentially move to. (Yes, we’ve been looking at Washington as a prospective new home sometime in the future.) Yet a month ago I was saying, “Well, maybe we’ll love Peru and move there for an extended period of time.” I’m not sure if I’m just planning ahead because that’s the type of person I am – I like to have some options for the days and months to come. But maybe I’m just too nervous to go now.

But we’re going nonetheless.

Ready or not, here we come…?


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