Before Perú

One More Day.

December 13, 2014

Bear comes home tomorrow. He’s been gone for four days, and I’ve realized some things while he’s been away:

1. Bear is the reason our house doesn’t fall apart. He takes care of so many things that I knew about but didn’t realize required so much time and commitment. So, I’ve gotta hand it to you, Hon. You are awesome. You’ve been keeping all of these things in check for three years, and I barely noticed until I had to do them instead. Thank you for all that you do, and I’m one fortunate girl to call you my hubs.

2. I am capable of doing everything he does that I haven’t done because I told myself I couldn’t. No, I don’t want to take care of the chickens in cold temperatures. I hadn’t want to so badly that I told myself I couldn’t, but I absolutely can. I have told myself and him that I don’t have time to do anything in the morning but get myself ready, but that’s not true. I have told myself that I will become paralyzed with fear if I sleep alone in an empty house, but after four nights – the first ones harder than the more recent ones – I learned that I can! I can even go downstairs at night without wondering if someone is in my house which sadly I’ve never been able to do. I’m totally capable, and I’m going to stop making excuses for myself.

3. I miss Bear. I miss him when he’s away and when he’s right next to me. We had gotten into a fight the night before he left which always stinks. But I think this week will have been good for both of us. Absence always seems to make our hearts grow more fond of each other, and fondness is a lovely thing to rekindle love. I dated this guy for a long while and his dad always used to tell us, “You want to choose someone to be with forever who at the end of the day you will still like. You may not always feel like you love them, but at the end of the day you’re alright getting in bed next to them because you like who they are as a person.” I always took his advice into account, and after three hard years of marriage and not always feeling the love factor, I can say I really like Bear – who he is and who he’s becoming. And I want him to come hooommmme. One more day.

4. As much as I miss Bear, I realize how much I need alone time as a growing woman. I think without it I can’t be as good of a wife, family member or friend, so I plan to make time to be alone more often. In fact, I’ve had a lot of thoughts about how I can go on retreats with myself. There was this woman in my church growing up who took herself on spiritual retreats every year. She would spend the weekend alone in a hotel room with God asking him to break her and grow her as she spent time in His Word, in prayer and in silence. I always thought it was a cool idea. Maybe I need to do something like that every year… and then have mini “stay-cation” retreats with myself at the house just doing things I love. Yep, this is happening.

5. The rumors are true: I have a snail trail. My mom and dad always said that I am a snail, and everywhere I go I leave a trail. Before Bear left he was kind enough to clean the entire main level of the house. It looked immaculate! I thought, “This is going to make taking care of the animals so much easier – because everything else is clean and taken care of!” Or not. I have to run around the house today picking up everything I have unintentionally messed today before Bear gets home tomorrow morning. I will be excuse-less if he comes home to a messy house that he left totally clean. I better get to work…


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